


Toriel's diary

by heloflor02



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, headcanon stories, lot of angst, metion of depression and wish of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heloflor02/pseuds/heloflor02
Summary: On her desk, you find Toriel's diary. Do you want to read it ?





	1. A lost past

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my first story with multiple chapters. This will still be pretty short though. I know some people already did it but I wanted to do what would be her diary in my “Headcanon story”. At first, I wanted each chapter to be a different day but found it better to do each “events” in her life.  
> However, it starts when Chara was already in the family.

_Dear diary,_

 

_Today Gorey and the children decided to try to make a pie. I must admit, I was kinda scared at first. After all, last time Asriel and Chara tried to bake one, it ended up with their father being sick. However, it came out good in the end. Well, partially good : Gorey wanted to show the children how to warm it up with magic and he ended up burning it partially ! I could not stop laughing after that ! And as the top of it, Chara started to make food puns with me and succeed in making their brother groan. Even if I do not encourage them being against each other, I could not help laughing._

 

_I hope we could all bake a pie together someday._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

 

_Today have been a very unfortunate day : we let Asriel and Chara play anywhere they wanted, as usual; but when they came back, Chara was very bad-looking and ended up sick. We do not know what happened to them. I really do hope that they will get better soon._

 

 

 

_This is terrible._

_We discovered that Chara fell sick because of buttercups poisoning. I spend my days close to them, and I still am as I write that. Asriel is also very often here and I am sure that Gorey would be too if he did not have so much work. We are all very worried. We asked the best doctors and even our scientist but any of them could do something. I do not know how I would feel if they do not heal._

 

 

 

_This is a tragedy._

_Not only did Chara died from illness, but Asriel took their soul and body and went to the surface, only to get killed by the humans. Gorey and I spend the next day mourning with the people. He decided to do a proper tomb for Chara and put them in a coffin while I put our son's dust on his toys, the thing he loved the most after his dear sibling. I do not even know why I am writing it. There is no way I could forget this._

 

 

 

_How could this happen ?_

_As I was mourning for our children, letting people know how terrible it is for us to lost both of them, even if one was a human, Asgore called the people to start a war against humanity. He wants to kill every humans that would fall, even if they are children. How foolish ! I tried to talk to him, many times ! Everytime, he refuse to listen to me. I cannot take this any longer. If he refuse to see how stupid his plan is, if the people refuse to see it, then I will not stay here. I refuse to be the Queen of a merciless Underground._

 

 

 

 

 

_\---_

 

_As you open the diary, you notice that the first pages are missing. You can only see some bits of burned pages, as if Toriel wanted to get rid of it._

 


	2. Deseperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : This chapter is depressing.

_I left._

_After what happened with my children, after how Asgore decided to handle the situation, after seeing how the people reacted, I realized that my place was not on the throne anymore. However, I know that my dear children would have never accepted to live in such a place either so I decided to take Chara's body with me, along with seeds from the golden flower that appeared after..._

_I decided to go to live in Home, in the Ruins. I buried Chara where they first fell and planted the seeds here too. I was never really into gardening but I will do my best to make others flowers grow, in remembrance of my dear Asriel._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_I finished to settle myself in Home. It is hard to see the house without thinking of my children, of all the good memories we had together...Anyways, I should stop being so nostalgic, it will only bring me pain._

_Along with a new place to live, I decided to fix a routine. That way, I could pass time without being too bored. Of course, I decided that I will visit my children everyday when I water the flower...I do hope that this seed will transform the place into a garden._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_A human child fell today. I was really surprised when I saw them. I never knew why Chara fell and thought that they would be the only one._

_I helped the humans reaching Home and welcomed them. However, I lied to them. I know what Asgore wants to do with the humans souls and will never let him finish his foolish plan ! I did not tell the child about how big the Underground was. I told them that the place was called the Ruins and only extended until my house. I hope that they will not try to go downstairs._

_As I am writing that, the child is sleeping is the room that belonged to Asriel and I must admit, it hurts. It hurts to see another child sleeping here and to know that my own child will not come back._

_I miss them...I miss them so much !_

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_It has been some months now and the child seems to be happy down here. They have such a patient soul and always listen when I give them advice. I am starting to feel more and more happy and hope that the child will stay safe here._

 

 

 

_How foolish I was. One night, the child went down the stairs and saw the door. They asked me about it when I woke up. I am afraid that I cannot hide the Underground any longer to them._

_Despite it, I will do my best to make them stay._

 

 

 

_They left._

_Despite everything I did to stop them, they found a way to make me let them go. I am really worried for them but I cannot leave the Ruins. What if Asgore had sent guards to look for me all this time ? No, he perfectly knows where I am. He is just too much of a coward to come. But if this is me that comes back...I cannot take that risk._

_I hope the best for this child._

 

 

 

_They died._

_As I went to water the flowers I saw some monsters talking. They were talking about how the child made it to the castle and how...how their soul were taken by Asgore. I cannot believe this. I must admit, I hoped that with time, he would have changed his mind about his plan. But now...this man is not the lovable husband I used to know._

_When I heard these monsters talk, I got angry at them and they fleed._

_I am alone._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_It has been a while since a wrote something._

_Today another human fell. When they saw me, they tried to attack me. I could see that their soul is full of bravery. I welcomed them at my home but they looked bored. I am afraid that they could not really enjoy living here._

_I am also afraid of how such a soul would react if they ever see my basement._

_...I have to do my best to keep them safe._

 

 

 

_It was not a surprise : this human child left after one week living here. Even if it was not long, I hope the best for them. I do not wish them to end up the same way as the first._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_The seeds that I planted four years ago now had started to form a bed of golden flowers...Actually, I am trying to concentrate on this kind of normal things to try to forget about my loss : Another human feel. They had such a strong integrity and stayed a long time with me before...I guess you already know what is next. I do not know what to do. I constantly ask myself about the probabilities of a new human, a new CHILD coming, and about how to make them stay. I do not want them to be unhappy here but I cannot let these poor children die like that !_

_I do not know what to do anymore._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_So much time had passed since I last wrote something. I think it has been at least ten years ? Maybe even more. I lost track of time a long time ago. It does not matter for me anyways. After all, whatever how many years passed, I will always stay stuck at the same age._

_Since the last time I left you words, three other children fell. They all went through the same fate. I do not know how to feel anymore. I always tried everything for them, always loved them with the same passion, and now, I am just alone again._

_I tried spending more time backing or reading. It started to become annoying. I read the same books over and over, did the same recipe thousands of time. I do not know what to do to kill time anymore. Even going to water the flowers became a bother to me. Everytime I go through the halls, I cannot help thinking of all these children, of how I failed all of them, how I failed at being a mother all this time. I was not meant to be a mother, I never was. I have been unable to save any child. I was not even able to save my own children !_

_I also sometimes think about how I left my people under Asgore's reign while I knew he was doing the wrong think._

_I failed at everything._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_Another couples of years passed now and nothing changed. There were no new humans, the monsters keep avoiding me and I am growing more and more bored and alone. Some monsters sometimes talk about what happens outside of the Ruins but I could not care less. I feel empty, sad, broken._

_This is surely my last entry. I cannot tale this any longer._

 

\----  
As you turn the pages, you notice that the writting seems more forced and some pages have some little rounds in them, as if someone cried.

 


	3. A voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She lives ! This will be happier than the last one.

_Dear diary,_

_I met someone new today. After watering the flowers, I went to my basement. I started to think of all the times I was here with each human, trying to convince them to stay. It made me tear up, and I stayed sit against the door. I do not know how much I stayed before I heard him. It started as a knock, followed by a “knock knock.”. I stayed surprised for an instant. I must admit, I was afraid : I did not know if he was from the guard, if Asgore sent him after all this time, if he even knew that I was here. Despite my fears, I was curious and decided to answer. However, what came after was unexpected : he made a joke ! It has been so long since I heard someone joking, I could not stop laughing ! After a while, I made one. It made him laugh so much ! It was quite delightful to hear such a true laugh. All my life, most people used to laugh in respect because of my rank...Anyways. We spend some hours telling each other jokes before he had to left. I do not know his name though. When he was about to tell his, I refused to hear it. I do not want him to know who I am._

_When he left, I asked him if he could come back and he accepted. I hope he will._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_It has been three days now since my punny friend comes at my door. We decided to see each other everyday and always at the same time. I must say, since he is there, I feel like the days are brighter and sometimes get pretty impatient to go talk to him. I hope that he will continue to come. It feels so good to have a new friend like that !_

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_It has been a week now. If we first only did bad jokes, we started to talk more seriously now. For example, I discover that he has a brother named Papyrus. It is such adorable to hear this man talk about him. He really loves him. I do hope that I could meet them one day but for now...he already asked me if I ever went outside. I refused to answer. Until things change, I cannot leave the Ruins and cannot let anyone in._

_As he told me for his brother, I told him about how I like baking or reading. I also told him about my sock collection and now he wants to have one as well !_

_I also asked him about why he came to the door and why he still wants to keep me company. He told me that he just wanted to “slack off” but is happy to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. He truly is a good friend._

 

 

 

_How can I be so stupid ?_

_It has been only three weeks now but..._

_I feel like I only wake up to talk with him, I wait impatiently to this moment and more importantly...I watch my words, I do not want him to be offended, I want to hear him laugh, to know that he likes being here, that he likes my jokes, that he likes..._

_I am in love. I cannot understand how or why, but I know I am. Out of everything, this is the last thing I wished. This is terrible._

_...I also want to know more about him. I already tried to guess which kind of monster he is. From what I know from his jokes and way to talk, he seems to be a skeleton. Now, I am asking myself what kind of skeleton. The most logic thing would be that he related to Windings, the royal scientist, but they were Boss Monsters skeletons at a time. What if he was one ? Maybe if he was, we could spend more time together. After all, the only way for a Boss Monster to age is to..._

_I hope I will never ask him what kind of monster he is._

 

 

 

 

_He is not a Boss Monster._

_I do not know how this happened but I ended up asking him about that. I was right, he is indeed a skeleton, but the only Boss Monsters skeletons he heard about are the ones he knows as his ancestors._

_It was foolish from me to ask that._

_I do not know how to act around him anymore. I am trying to talk as I always do but everytime he says something nice about me, I cannot help blushing and I sometimes talk in an awkward way. Sometimes, he sounds pretty awkward too. I hope this is not because of me._

 

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_Today, as I was at the golden flowers' bed, I saw one that started to talk ! At first, I thought that I was coming crazy but soon realized that it was a real living. It talked to me about the children and about how of a terrible mother I am. I wanted to make it shut up but, deep down, I know it was right._

_When I went to the door downstairs, I asked the man about children and how he feels about them. He told me that he never really cared for them and never had one. He also sounded kinda worried. Did my voice let some emotion be heard ?_

_Anyways, the flower made me think again about the humans. I asked the man about it too. Apparently, he was around when they fell but never saw one._

_I do not know when another human will fall, I do not know if they will ever be one, but I feel like, if they ever followed the same path as the others, maybe I could ask the man for help. I am afraid of what he could say. I know he is a sentry._

_I will think of it later, it is getting quite late._

 

 

 

_He accepted !_

_Today, I asked him to promise me to protect any human that could come through the door and he accepted ! I feel so relieved !_

_Of course, if a human fall, I will do my best to keep them with me. But now, I know that I can count on someone to protect them. I do not know how I could thank him for accepting such a request. These children are so important !_

_Now, I really wish I could meet this man in person. I want so badly to know more about him !_

_...here I come again, talking like a teenager..._

_I am an idiot._

_...An idiot with a new hope._

 

 

 

–

_You find a page filled with puns. You notice that a part of the page is missing, some traces of burning being present. On the ground, you find a half-burned drawing of a heart made of bones._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the ones asking about Gaster, I headcanon that every monsters that knew him can remember him; they just don't talk about him when the events of the game happens (why would they mention someone dead for years, even if he was good at his job ?).


	4. The last soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter (I will still do an alternate ending though).

_Dear diary,_

_After so long, a human child fell today. When I found them, the flower was attacking them. Of course, I helped them and welcomed them in the Ruins properly._

_As I am writing this, I left them in the long corridor to prepare their room. Even if I know how safe the Ruins are, I am worried about them. They have the last soul monsters need to be free and I am sure that the others inhabitants of the Ruins know this as well. I am also very afraid to see them end up like the others._

_...I should really go back to work, children do not stay long in the same room with nothing to do._

 

 

 

_Dear diary,_

_It has been only a day since this child joined me but I can already feel that they may not stay long. They spend a lot of time looking at everything. This is the kind of curiosity that could lead them outside._

_I cannot let them leave. I already lost too many children. Also..._

_Their soul is full of determination; And the way they look...I cannot help but think of my dear Chara._

_Anyways, I should see if they need anything._

 

 

 

_They left,_

_Almost immediately after I wrote my last entry, they went to ask me how to go home. I tried to convince them to stay and fought them but their determination was stronger._

_I am really worried for them. The last humans monsters need, being all alone like that._

_...Well, almost alone, I guess. The man behind the door, I really hope he will keep his promise._

_He is the only hope I have._

 

 

 

_This is incredible !_

_I cannot believe it myself !_

_Some time after the child left, I went to the bed of golden flowers and saw the living one talking about how they were in danger. I decided to leave the Ruins. I could not stand loosing another child. However, I could have never expected what happened : when I went to Asgore's castle, I was able to stop him from hurting the human. This is when other monsters, friends of this child came. Then, the flower attacked us. At that moment, everything went black but when we woke up, the barrier was open without the need of that last soul !_

_I cannot describe how happy I felt. After so long, Monsterkind is finally free to leave on the surface peacefully with Humankind. As for the child, they will be our ambassador and wants to live with me ! I have so much hope for the future ! Finally, I can see my people with a new joy and can open my own school to share both humans and monsters knowledge. I am so exited !_

_Thanks to Frisk, the human child, I also made new friends and is exited to know them more._

_Indeed, Undyne is such a strong person but seems to care about youth. Maybe I could have her as a gym teacher at my school ? Then, there is Alphys, Undyne's girlfriend. She is pretty reserved but I still hope I could build a friendship with her. There is also Papyrus. He is such full of happiness and energy ! I am sure we can become such good friends. As for his brother Sans...I really hope that our friendship will become stronger. Maybe we could even..._

_I need to finish packing to move on the surface._

 

 

 

–

_You hear the front door opening. Quickly, you close the diary and go out of the room to jump into your new mother's arms. You decide to keep what you learnt in her diary as a secret._

 


	5. Alternate ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just something related to the story that I wanted to write because I have such a problem with angst.  
> I can't really add it since it's an alternate ending but they should be a "major character death" warning.

_Heh._

_That's pretty dark stuff ya wrote here lady. Never thought some kids could bring so much pain._

_Look, I dunno if ya will ever read this. Resets are weird with written stuff. Still, I wanted to warn ya._

_If you read this, it means the kid resets. What's a Reset ? Let's just say it's a way to come back in time when that kid wants 'cause they're determined._

_Anyways, the kids resets, and now they may be after you. Guess that sounds pretty bad but this kid's the reason why ya can read this._

_They killed you lady. They killed you, went out of this place, killed some others monsters, took the King's life and went away. But they can always come back. All they have to do is reset._

_But the kid don't realize that while they're gone to whatever the barrier leads to, we're still here and we still see what they did._

_So please lady if you read this, stay away from them, or at least be careful. And if one day they act in a terrible way, please forgive me for breaking my promise._

 

 

_Also forgive me for breaking into your house and reading your diary. I wanted ta know what's your favorite stuff to put your dust on it. Guess I'll put it on these kids shoes since ya care so much 'bout them._

 

 

_...Again, be careful around that kid._

 

 

 

_I don't want to loose you anymore._

 


End file.
